A detailed analysis of an Awesome mind:

Strange happenings last night. One of my best friends that I've known since 1st grade got married. It was a lot of fun to attend his reception, and he and his new bride seem very happy together. Strange that this should make me feel so oddly depressed.

I look at my friend, and he seems to be living the dream. He's my same age (actually a couple months younger, if you want to get picky), and yet he's got his career, his girl, a house, and soon some little versions of him running around. He's not even LDS and he's practically living the LDS dream anyway. On the other hand, I'm still trying to figure out how many years it's going to take me to pay for school, I'm still living in my parents basement, and I've never been out on a date with any girl more than once... the new perspective made me feel rather pathetic actually.

Anyway, this train of thought left me to a startling revelation about myself... I think I actually felt lonely last night. I've always been kind of a loner... in fact I often feel VERY uncomfortable in social situations with lots of people (even when I'm with people that I trust). However, I don't think that I've ever really considered myself to be lonely. I mean, there have been lots of brief instances in my life where I've been lonely... at parties when no one talks to me, first days in new wards or classes, or when girls I like haven't given me the time of day. None of those times ever lasted long though, or made me feel like I was really missing something from my happiness.

In fact, ever since I got home from my mission, I've really downplayed the expectation to start looking for a wife. It just wasn't that high on my priority list, despite the many pressures regarding such that most returned missionaries experience (which include some people even trying to set ridiculous goals and deadlines for me. Seriously!) Last night though, I think that I realized for the first time that I really do want that kind of a relationship with someone. I'm not sure that I'm going to be in anymore of a hurry than I was before, but I know for sure now that marriage and a family is something that is missing from my life, and without those things, I don't think that I can ever consider myself to be truly happy.

In other words, for the first time, I'm lonely.

Weird.