So,... this week has been from Hell. I have no intention of avoiding a rant in this post, please move on if rants make you squeamish.
Anyway, I didn't really do anything fun for the weekend. I was busy studying for the 3 tests that I had this week... specifically for multivariable calc, since I got a poor grade on my first exam and was looking to make it up on this one. Unfortunately, it was not to be. My alarm malfunctioned Monday morning, and I slept through the exam. So, I didn't even get a chance to fail on my own. The universe did it for me. Now I'm guaranteed to fail the class, which will not only require me to retake it, but will delay my graduation by an entire semester as I cannot move on until I pass this class.
As you can imagine, that left me pissed, but life didn't end there. I've also learned this week that my grandmother has what appears to be advanced bone cancer, which means that the trip we took to visit her this last summer was probably the last time that I'll ever get to see her. I mean, she is old, and every time that I get to see her, I kind of worry that it might be the last time, but to have it confirmed like this is really depressing. Especially given that they only found the cancer doing emergency surgery after she fell and broke her hip.
But wait! There's more! While I feel ok about he stats test that I took today, I have another test in my statics class tomorrow night... that's right, night. My instructor doesn't feel like we have enough time to take a 26 question multiple choice test during our hour and a half class time, so he makes us come back at night to take the test in two hours instead. That means that I have to miss the new episode of the Big Bang Theory, which in addition to being one of my favorite shows, also happens to be the only show that CBS doesn't let you watch online afterwords!
Now, to top it all off, I've been stressing through a mid-college crisis: that is, I'm terrified because I'm beginning to realize that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I used to be really confident, I had it all planned out since middle school. I was going to be an engineer, get married, design the spacecraft that took people to Mars, and retire to huge house with my wife. Now there's not really a space program, I've been shot down for every date I've attempted for the last year, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do well in or enjoy any of my classes. The problem is, I hate every other option that's been presented to me, so I feel stuck where I'm at... (Really stuck after the calc debacle).
Maybe this would all be easier if I had someone to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends, but I don't have any that I feel like I could talk about this... or let me rephrase that... I don't have any that I feel like would want to hear it... That and I don't want to taint any of my friendships by complaining too much. I have such a hard time making friends, and I really don't want the ones I have to dislike me being around... I'm probably just paranoid, but either way, it hasn't helped this week.
At this point, I'm just praying that the airsoft game this weekend isn't too cold or wet for me to blow off all my stress.
